speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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