Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
