I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
