Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize