This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
