i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
