Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
