I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
