oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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