Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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