She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
