I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
