my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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