Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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