I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
