We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
