There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
