I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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