Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
