Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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