Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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