Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
