yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
