I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
