Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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