so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
