Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everclear isn't food dammit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
