Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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