I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize