Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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