I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
