I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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