I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
