If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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