Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
