my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
