you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
