Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
