Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
