You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
