So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
