Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
