i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
