i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize