Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
