I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
