You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
