i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
