I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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