oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
