just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
