Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
