remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The beer is more important than you right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
