And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize