He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
