My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
