guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
