piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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