i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
