Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
