I need help removing her.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
