I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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