bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You are the jesus of drinking
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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