Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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