Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
