happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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