Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize