I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
