remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
