i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize